Learning How to Choose Your Own Path
Fending off external pressure and facing fears
I like to tell myself that I don’t care what other people think.
Though, I’d be lying if I said that was 100% truthful, 100% of the time.
In reality, I believe that the majority of us can’t help but to consider the way we’re perceived by others somewhere in our decision-making process.
Consciously or unconsciously, we tend to act differently when we know we’re being watched, as per the Hawthorne effect.
While the Hawthorne effect typically has to do with test subjects in a study being aware of the fact that they’re being observed, the effect illustrates our innate tendency to modify our behaviour to some extent, in most cases, to come off more appealing in some way to those around us.
It’s a powerful tendency to be aware of, and in most cases, awareness of a behaviour or attitude is the first step required in moving towards overcoming it, should that be something you’re keen on doing.
With regard to my current dilemma, the sorts of decisions I’m trying to make about my future are ones that are causing lasting ripple effects in other areas of my life.
These are real consequences that shouldn’t be shrugged off, or put to the side for a “later-me” to deal with.
Yet, I can’t help but feel like there are external pressures that make the decision-making process a much more clouded and uncertain ordeal than it otherwise would or should be.
In an ideal scenario, one could simply map out what exactly it is they want, note down a few options of how they could imagine themselves getting there, and promptly begin to work towards their goals.
It never ends up being that easy.
Parents, coworkers, friends, a potential partner… Everyone has their own expectation of what your next steps should be. And those expectations are often given much more weight than is probably healthy.
Don’t get me wrong, the opinions of those around you shouldn’t be flat-out ignored. We build these support networks for a reason. But I believe it should always be kept in mind that they are just that— our support.
At the end of the day, we are each in the driver’s seat of our own lives.
Though leaning on those around us can be comforting, it’s important not to become so reliant on that comfort that it clouds our ability to make decisions in our own best interest.
While I do see a path forward for myself through this decision-making process, it requires me to prioritize my wants and needs for myself above the expectations that those around me have set for me.
And at the end of the day, those who support you through that process are the people that you want to have around anyway.
This is by no means unique, original advice, but sayings like these have stood the test of time for a reason.
“Don't let the expectations and ideas of others limit who you are. If you let others tell you who you are, you are living their reality — not yours. There is more to life than pleasing people. There is much more to life than following others' prescribed path. There is so much more to life than what you experience right now. You need to decide who you are for yourself. Become a whole being. Adventure.”
― Roy T. Bennett
Life is a twisty, turny, winding path. And it doubles back on itself often.
They say it’s easier to steer a ship that’s moving, so hey, keep moving.
I’ll leave you here with a few journaling prompts for those who want to do a bit of guided thinking around this topic:
Recall a time when you followed someone else's prescribed path instead of forging your own. How did it impact your life? What did you learn from that experience?
Imagine your ideal future without any external expectations or pressures. What does it look like? How does it differ from the path you're currently on?
Reflect on the quote by Roy T. Bennett: "Don't let the expectations and ideas of others limit who you are." How can you apply this wisdom to your own life? Are there areas where you're allowing others' expectations to hold you back?
As always, let me know your thoughts in the comments and replies.
For now, have a great rest of the week.