"The Grass Is Greener Where You Water It"
A brief study of intentionality and social comparison theory
I’ve started to realize that I’ve been putting a lot of energy into this idea of intentionality that I’ve now been writing about a fair bit over the last few weeks.
Between best practices like JOMO (or the Joy of Missing Out), appreciating the access that we have that we so often take for granted, and reaching for the not-so-low-hanging fruit of life that require just a little more effort to reap the rewards of, I feel like a recurring theme has begun to emerge in intentionality.
One of the things that helped me to realize this emerging pattern was a line that my partner threw at me the other night after scrolling through videos on Instagram.
“Have you ever heard someone say ‘The grass is greener where you water it?’”
I hadn’t, but it immediately struck me as a somewhat motivational saying encouraging people to be more intentional with where they put their energy.
Similar sayings like, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” a quote attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, come to mind, and are a nice reminder to be content with the life you lead, seeing as we all come from a range of different backgrounds. It’s somewhat common knowledge now that people are simply prone to making upward comparisons, leading to regular feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, making sayings like this one all the more important to keep in mind in the modern era of social media, where self-damaging comparisons like this are happening on an almost hourly basis for some.
It’s also worth noting that while discussing the idea with my partner, we realized that our individual reasons for feeling FOMO vary somewhat. Personally, I find that what motivates my FOMO is the tendency I have to compare my experiences to others. Seeing friends and acquaintances get to experience things that are just barely out of my reach ignites a subtle feeling of envy that I rarely feel elsewhere.
My partner on the other hand finds her feelings of FOMO originate more in the real world, but are then exacerbated by seeing people online doing what she can’t. It’s a decidedly subtle difference, but I think the discrepancy is worth noting.
Though, in either camp, feelings of social comparison and obsession over what the grass must be like on the other side of the hill can often leave a person feeling a bit hollow.
And that’s exactly why the idea of the grass being “greener where you water it” stuck out to me so much.
It reminds a person to be intentional about where they’re putting their energy. Making upward comparisons starts to feel a lot like watering someone else’s field, rather than nourishing your own.
It’s a reminder to take a step back, be grateful, and be content with the situation you’ve found yourself in.
Now, it goes without saying that not everyone is always going to be in a position where there are such direct positives to point to in their own lives. Situations can be dire from time to time. Only a few weeks out after having suddenly lost my dad to an undiagnosed heart condition, I can empathize more than many with the fact that bleak moments often feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.
That’s why I’m not here to tell you what gratitude or contentment should look like — just simply to remind anyone reading to be intentional with whatever it is you are feeling.
Water your own grass, and don’t let anyone, especially comparison, steal your joy.
I’ll leave you here with a few journaling prompts for those who want to do a bit of guided thinking around this topic:
Consider the quote, “The grass is greener where you water it.” What does this saying mean to you? How can you apply it to your own life to cultivate contentment and gratitude?
Reflect on the idea: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Have you ever felt that comparing yourself to others stole your joy? How can you protect your joy from comparison in the future?
Reflect on a time when you experienced joy in the present moment, without comparing yourself to others. What were you doing, and what made that experience special?
As always, let me know your thoughts in the comments and replies. I’d love to hear about your own journeys with intentionality and upward comparisons.
For now, have a great rest of the week. Talk soon.