I haven’t been formally diagnosed but have learned a lot about ADD from my children. They are all adults now, so we can really talk about it.
I truly appreciate the honesty of your post. The struggle to accomplish any task while trying to land between the “just finish it, for Christ’s sake” and “this is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen” is real.
I never thought of this inspirational phrases as mantras. I think I’ll give it a go! The one I usually repeat is: BETTER DONE THAN PERFECT. It came to me through a dear friend. I was in a very low moment and she was trying to help me out of it.
If you think about it, there is no perfect in the world. Everything is always changing. The plant I water today is not the same plant I watered yesterday. The water I provided altered it. Not in a big way, but incrementally. That's all I need to make my way in the world. Consistency. A little can be a lot in a busy life@
It is our imperfections that leave room for friendship and intimacy. My weakness leaves room for your strength and vice versa. If I were perfect, I would have no need for you. In our relationships we can find balance and resilience. That design is the only place I see perfection...like in nature and all of its counterbalances.
Is it bad that my immediate thought was: "oh man, gotta comment, lucky streak two weeks in a row" - as if that wasn't a complete antithesis to your post!
Firstly, thanks for sharing something so personal, and I hope this new found knowledge, if maybe uncomfortable (or just 'new', because you know, change, growth, all that icky good stuff) is helpful for you.
In terms of mantras, one I've been TRYING to say to myself is: I measure success by how much fun I'm having.
Because isn't that kind of the goal? We're doing all these creative things because we enjoy it, right? Because we think it will make us happy? I'm trying to focus less on the outcome, and more on the joy I can squeeze out of the process. Emphasis on the word TRY ;)
So happy you found a mantra that works for you, that is tied to your partner and support network too (like another little boost folded in).
On a slightly but not related note- with my writing projects, after you go through creating the character's misbelief/fatal flaw business, Ive been going one step further and make them a nice toxic mantra. It helps boil down the essence of their beliefs, and as you write, keep their actions/decisions consistent - what would someone who has this mantra say/do.
Anyway. Long comment. Thanks for the early morning thoughts!
As a kid who was often overly ambitious and a die-hard perfectionist, my mom always told me to just reach for the low-hanging fruit. This felt like a betrayal to who I was as a person. "Reaching somewhere between the low-hanging fruit and the stars" is a fantastic mantra.
I always come back to Aldous Huxley's "It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly." When I'm laser-focused, jaws clenched, hurtling towards my next goalpost, it helps to remind myself to lightly let myself take a breath, and lightly shoot for the stars (or somewhere in between).
I didn’t make the perfectionist/ADHD connection before. Makes sense. I know folks who struggle with procrastination for both of these reasons. Having a person mantra is a useful tool.
I measure success the same as Clover. Life is too short to not try to find joy in the mundane. I think Aidan and his partner are on to something. I occasionally will choose to set a goal that's a little easier to hit when I need to celebrate a win. I think always striving for perfection is exhausting, it definitely has it's time and place, having long term goals is important but sometimes, a softball makes you feel like a prince among men.
Thanks for sharing this Aidan. I really like the mantra - it's both useful and poetic. I've never been much of a mantra person myself, but I've been introducing them recently to help my daughter at bedtime, so I'm cooking around.
In the past, I have started out with several wildly different projects just to feel some validation as my relationship with my mental health has worsened over the years. Your post is very particularly relatable to me as someone who feels like starting afresh and taking up too much with too little bandwidth every now and then. Only to end up never doing them because of a skill issue or...just being done with it and falling back to a cycle of feeling inadequate from not sticking through.
As a matter of fact, me venturing into writing and creativity is also another "project" I have "taken up" and I am trying my hardest to create a long term relationship with it even as inspiration is hard to find. I'll just hope this does not end up having the same fate as everything else. :D
Thank you sharing this Aidan! Your journal prompts just gave me some new inspiration and I will be thinking about this quote for a long time.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 35. It was equal parts novel revelation and blindsight turned hindsight. It was also a mitigating, permissible explanation, and a nagging temptation to hedge forward efforts behind a new excuse.
Check our Jessica McCabe's book and/or YouTube channel "How to ADHD" if you haven't already. One particularly useful reframing of the diagnosis was as a "motivational disorder" with attention, hyperactivity and/or impulsive presentations.
I am typically not one for mantras, but I adopted one just this week based on "Hack Your Bureaucracy" by Marina Nitze. The mantra, "Between the Silos" is meant to remind me that there is plenty of room for improvement. If not always welcomed, at least the attempt won't meet the reactive resistances from undercutting someone's work, reputation or identity. It also reminds me that my experience of personal change has always been slowly evolving feelings and meaningful offramps, not some sort of intellectual triumph of revision.
I haven’t been formally diagnosed but have learned a lot about ADD from my children. They are all adults now, so we can really talk about it.
I truly appreciate the honesty of your post. The struggle to accomplish any task while trying to land between the “just finish it, for Christ’s sake” and “this is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen” is real.
I never thought of this inspirational phrases as mantras. I think I’ll give it a go! The one I usually repeat is: BETTER DONE THAN PERFECT. It came to me through a dear friend. I was in a very low moment and she was trying to help me out of it.
Oh, and I’m 53. 😊
If you think about it, there is no perfect in the world. Everything is always changing. The plant I water today is not the same plant I watered yesterday. The water I provided altered it. Not in a big way, but incrementally. That's all I need to make my way in the world. Consistency. A little can be a lot in a busy life@
Agreed. Our world is basically imperfect, so aspiring to be perfect is unrealistic. And unrealistic expectations lead to failiure and frustration.
I find this approach very reassuring!
Perfection is not for humans... and on some very rare occasions, we just get a glimpse of it, before we are drawn back to our usual imperfect reality.
Oh, and I loved the image of the plant, being watered every day!
It is our imperfections that leave room for friendship and intimacy. My weakness leaves room for your strength and vice versa. If I were perfect, I would have no need for you. In our relationships we can find balance and resilience. That design is the only place I see perfection...like in nature and all of its counterbalances.
Beautifully said!
"Better done than perfect." I like that, it leaves room for improvement. All my efforts begin with a rough draft...
Is it bad that my immediate thought was: "oh man, gotta comment, lucky streak two weeks in a row" - as if that wasn't a complete antithesis to your post!
Firstly, thanks for sharing something so personal, and I hope this new found knowledge, if maybe uncomfortable (or just 'new', because you know, change, growth, all that icky good stuff) is helpful for you.
In terms of mantras, one I've been TRYING to say to myself is: I measure success by how much fun I'm having.
Because isn't that kind of the goal? We're doing all these creative things because we enjoy it, right? Because we think it will make us happy? I'm trying to focus less on the outcome, and more on the joy I can squeeze out of the process. Emphasis on the word TRY ;)
So happy you found a mantra that works for you, that is tied to your partner and support network too (like another little boost folded in).
On a slightly but not related note- with my writing projects, after you go through creating the character's misbelief/fatal flaw business, Ive been going one step further and make them a nice toxic mantra. It helps boil down the essence of their beliefs, and as you write, keep their actions/decisions consistent - what would someone who has this mantra say/do.
Anyway. Long comment. Thanks for the early morning thoughts!
I like the idea of a flawed mantra to boil down the character!! Super interesting!!
Oh and you’re “how much fun” mantra reminds me of one I heard on a podcast the other day:
“What would this look like it were fun?”
Another that I think can be super valuable :)
Oh I love that!
As a kid who was often overly ambitious and a die-hard perfectionist, my mom always told me to just reach for the low-hanging fruit. This felt like a betrayal to who I was as a person. "Reaching somewhere between the low-hanging fruit and the stars" is a fantastic mantra.
I always come back to Aldous Huxley's "It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly." When I'm laser-focused, jaws clenched, hurtling towards my next goalpost, it helps to remind myself to lightly let myself take a breath, and lightly shoot for the stars (or somewhere in between).
I totally feel you 🫶🏼 I’m glad you found yourself coming to similar conclusions
I didn’t make the perfectionist/ADHD connection before. Makes sense. I know folks who struggle with procrastination for both of these reasons. Having a person mantra is a useful tool.
I measure success the same as Clover. Life is too short to not try to find joy in the mundane. I think Aidan and his partner are on to something. I occasionally will choose to set a goal that's a little easier to hit when I need to celebrate a win. I think always striving for perfection is exhausting, it definitely has it's time and place, having long term goals is important but sometimes, a softball makes you feel like a prince among men.
Thanks for sharing this Aidan. I really like the mantra - it's both useful and poetic. I've never been much of a mantra person myself, but I've been introducing them recently to help my daughter at bedtime, so I'm cooking around.
My girlfriend read your comment and she thought it was so sweet. I think bedtime is a great time for little reminders like those 😌
Thanks Aidan - I agree. And it's shocking how beneficial those mantras can be, for parents and toddlers both
In the past, I have started out with several wildly different projects just to feel some validation as my relationship with my mental health has worsened over the years. Your post is very particularly relatable to me as someone who feels like starting afresh and taking up too much with too little bandwidth every now and then. Only to end up never doing them because of a skill issue or...just being done with it and falling back to a cycle of feeling inadequate from not sticking through.
As a matter of fact, me venturing into writing and creativity is also another "project" I have "taken up" and I am trying my hardest to create a long term relationship with it even as inspiration is hard to find. I'll just hope this does not end up having the same fate as everything else. :D
Thank you sharing this Aidan! Your journal prompts just gave me some new inspiration and I will be thinking about this quote for a long time.
I’m really, really happy to hear that the journaling prompts are coming in handy ☺️
And I hope you find the results you’re looking for as well!
Better done than perfect sounds like a lovely way to push through a project that’s kicking your butt a little bit. Kudos ☺️
That first paragraph was so rhythmic and I love that. And I also super appreciate the recommendation! I’ll give them a look!! :)
How familiar!
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 35. It was equal parts novel revelation and blindsight turned hindsight. It was also a mitigating, permissible explanation, and a nagging temptation to hedge forward efforts behind a new excuse.
Check our Jessica McCabe's book and/or YouTube channel "How to ADHD" if you haven't already. One particularly useful reframing of the diagnosis was as a "motivational disorder" with attention, hyperactivity and/or impulsive presentations.
I am typically not one for mantras, but I adopted one just this week based on "Hack Your Bureaucracy" by Marina Nitze. The mantra, "Between the Silos" is meant to remind me that there is plenty of room for improvement. If not always welcomed, at least the attempt won't meet the reactive resistances from undercutting someone's work, reputation or identity. It also reminds me that my experience of personal change has always been slowly evolving feelings and meaningful offramps, not some sort of intellectual triumph of revision.
Cheers to you and your partner both!